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Disclaimers: The characters of Joe and Billy belong to Michael Turner, Bruce & Noel, and lots of producer and corporate types. A couple of lines from "Telling Them" belongs to Social Distortion. Used without permission.
Notes: My beta readers totally rock, so don't blame them if I made any mistakes. Thanks, ladies!!
Summary: A small, revelatory scene set in the old days--circa 1982-83. No spoilers for the film.
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Hearing the distinctive *plink plink* of gravel thrown against a window, Billy walked over and looked out. He muttered a curse as he recognized Joe standing down on the sidewalk. Joe saw him and threw up his hand in a gesture too imperious to be called a wave. It could have meant anything--from acknowledging Billy's presence to demanding his immediate attention. Billy sighed and shoved the window up. "What're you doing here, Joe?"
"I wanna come up. I *am* coming up so go unlock the door."
"No, I'm busy." He knew the attempt to avoid the inevitable confrontation was futile, but self-preservation or something demanded that he try. "I got better things to do than listen to your bullshit."
"Fuck that. I gotta talk to you. You want me to keep yelling at your window and bothering the neighbors? Okay, that's fine with me." Joe gave that little shake of his shoulders that said he was settling in to be as obstinate as possible for a very long time.
"No." Sighing, Billy knew he was making a mistake when he said, "All right, come on up." He shut the window, unlocked the door, and went to the kitchen area of the single room for a beer. He knew he'd need it. He almost wished he had something stronger in the house, although he couldn't think of any particular drug strong enough to make dealing with Joe that much easier.
Joe walked in and went straight to the refrigerator, helping himself to a beer. He tossed the cap at Billy who caught it against his chest and said, "I don't suppose you've come to apologize?"
"Why would I do that?" Joe gave him that steady, slightly wide-eyed stare that made Billy want to do something drastic. Do *what* exactly, he wasn't sure, but it would be something to shock that look off Joe's face.
"Why? Hmm, well, let's see... How about because you fucked my girlfriend, you asshole?" Mad all over again, Billy threw the bottle cap back at Joe, who ignored it as it bounced off his chest and hit the floor with a quiet clink.
"You oughta be glad." Joe took a long pull on his beer, and leaned against the counter as if everything was right with the world.
Billy tilted his head and sneered, "Why the fuck is that, Joe?"
"Showed you what kinda girl she is. I barely got the words out of my mouth and she was already on her knees." Joe smiled slightly, and Billy was sure he didn't want to hear any more. "She was willing to--"
"Stop it. That's enough." Billy held up his hand and turned away, unwilling to look at Joe any longer. His feelings for this irritating man were so jumbled up right now he could hardly swallow. His feelings for Joe were a confused mess most of the time, but at the moment they were an acutely painful mess.
"You didn't care nothing about her and she was lousy anyway, so I don't see what you're bitching about." Joe's voice sounded closer behind him, but Billy refused to turn and look at him. He knew he was being childish but he didn't care. Joe brought out the worst in him sometimes.
"If she was so lousy, why'd you do it?" The words were out of his mouth too quickly to call them back.
He was not surprised in the least when Joe snorted, "She was there. It was easy."
"That's not good enough," replied Billy in a low voice. He knew he'd not get anything better from Joe. Never explain and never apologize were words Joe had taken to heart so long ago, he didn't know any other way to be.
"You'd have dumped her soon." Joe spoke with a confident tone that grated on Billy's nerves. Of course, Joe always knew best.
"It doesn't matter what *I* would've done." Billy wasn't proud of the fact that Joe was right about the girl and Billy's lack of caring for her. Although he felt insulted that Joe didn't even *like* having sex with her, her betrayal meant nothing compared to Joe's, which burned badly. "What matters is what you did."
The hand on Billy's shoulder made him turn and face Joe again, even as he cursed himself for giving in and for being a coward to turn away in the first place. He should be man enough to stand up to Joe's mockery of their friendship face to face.
Joe's eyes were intense and serious, but his mouth twisted in derision. "What the fuck do you want me to say? That I took her because she was you--yours? Don't be an idiot."
Billy felt like he'd been punched in the face. Suddenly a whole lot of things started to make sense, the jealousy and possessiveness, the long measuring looks and rough affection that Joe never gave anyone but him. He couldn't believe that it had taken him this long to see it, and he really couldn't believe that Joe had just given away so much. With an almost shocking calm, he said slowly, "I think that's exactly what happened."
Joe laughed, but Billy could see the truth in his eyes. Even if the other man denied it with his dying breath, Billy could see the spark of truth in blue eyes iced over with denial. "I said don't be an idiot, Billy. She wanted me to fuck her so I did. I did you a fucking favor." He stressed each word of the last sentence as if it was the most important thing anyone had ever said.
"No, you didn't, Joe. You did yourself a favor. Same as always." Billy stepped back, away from Joe's reach before he continued, "You do want me. You always have. I can't believe I didn't see it."
"No." Joe took another sip from his beer, his fingertips white against the brown glass. Billy felt himself drifting in a haze of numbness that clarified such tiny details as how hard Joe was gripping his bottle. He also noticed that Joe had his other hand slightly raised at his side, as if he wanted to reach out but wouldn't. His left foot was turned out, pointing towards the door, as if he wanted to leave but couldn't.
"Yeah, Joe. Explains a lot, now that I think about it. Explains a whole fucking lot." Billy was aware of the measured words that fell from his numb lips, but he was untouched by his own thought processes. It appeared that he didn't need any drugs after all. One confession, unwillingly given, was having the same effect as a hit.
Time meant nothing as he stood there and stared at Joe who stared back defiantly. From years of experience, Billy could tell he was still thinking about again denying what he said, what he meant. Billy had the fleeting desire to tell him not to bother but couldn't get the words from his brain to his mouth.
The music still playing on the stereo across the room filled his head-- Social Distortion. He'd just gotten that tape yesterday, and now Mike Ness was in his head singing, // I can't wait for the show tonight, when I'm with my friends everything's all right... // Billy shook his head slowly, and thought that it would take more than tonight's show to set things right this time.
// Well, I love the sound when I smash the glass, if I get caught they're gonna kick my ass...//
"Joe..." The sound of his own voice caught Billy off guard after so many moments of silence. He licked his lips and felt some of the numbness fade away, leaving a faint ache in his stomach. He shook his head again. "I don't know what to do now."
Joe blinked a couple of times and said in a slightly mocking tone, "Not a fucking thing, Billy. You're just confused or something."
"Stop lying, Joe. Don't lie to me or yourself." He glared at Joe, angry and confused and resigned to staying that way.
"If you wanna turn a simple conversation into some kind of fucking encounter group, forget it." Joe snorted and drained his beer before setting the bottle on the counter. "I'll see you before the show tonight, and you better be straightened out and ready to play."
"Or what?" Billy asked, finally feeling some defiance of his own.
Joe tilted his head in mock innocence and replied, "Or what? We'll suck. The music'll suck. What else?"
"Nothing." Billy shrugged as casually as he could after having the most important relationship in his life turned upside down and inside out. "Just wondered what you were thinking. Sometimes I can't tell."
"Just as it should be, William, just as it should be." Joe walked to the door and stopped with his hand on the knob. Without turning, he said, "You'll be there, won't you?"
Still trying to figure out just what to do next, Billy stared hard at the tense set of Joe's back, and finally said, "Yeah. What did you come here to talk to me about?"
Glancing over his shoulder, Joe shrugged. "Never mind. It can wait." Then he pulled the door open and walked out.
When Joe was finally gone, Billy relaxed his clenched fists. The sound of breaking glass made him look down at the floor. He'd forgotten about the bottle that had been clutched in his hand all this time. He stared down at the dozen or so pieces of brown glass, some jagged and some round, floating in an amber puddle. After a moment he stepped over the mess and got a fresh bottle from the fridge then walked over to the stereo. He cranked the music up and sat down on his raggedy old sofa.
He had a show to get ready for and a friendship to figure out, but he was going to get good and drunk first. Maybe things would start making sense then.
The End.
Go to "Betrayed"